Getting out of misery

e-mail exchange with Ambrose Mong, studying for the priesthood in Rome.

Sunday, July 24, 2005 -- Francis Chin

Dear Ambrose,

It saddens me to hear of the depressing state of many of your relatives. You say one uncle used to be rich but is now broke after his business venture collapsed. Other relatives are suffering or dying from kidney failure and cancer. Many are now bitter that after a life of hard work, there's nothing but the prospect of cashless misery and poor health at the end of the road.

In primary school we learnt by rote many proverbs and clever sayings, with little understanding or thought. Now that we are much, much older, the truth of many of the proverbs have returned with a vengeance. I am thinking of the particular phrase, As you make your bed, so you have to lie on it.

While we offer a listening ear to relatives and friends in straitened circumstances, there is precious little we can do to help. They have made their own beds, so to speak. Harsh as it is to say it, the truth is that bitterness, anger and a sense of victimhood will only add to the emotional and mental burdens of these people as well as to those near them who are also affected, especially their young children.

Life is really short, and the turn of events are usually unpredictable and most inconvenient. Knowing this, we make do as best as we can, and we share our cash and material possessions as much as we can, with less fortunate people. But few of us are willing to share to the point of sacrifice, especially when we know that much of the misfortune and misery are self-inflicted. People lost their life savings in a bad business venture or in the stock market. They lost their health because of alcohol, undisciplined eating and lack of exercise.

There is only one unpalatable advice to give them: take responsibility. Own up to the fact that there is no one to blame, but themselves.

It is not true that charity begins at home. Charity begins with one's self -- be charitable to your own self by accepting responsibility and then starting a programme of action to get yourself out of the misery.

If you are in constant poor health: Consult the doctors and start treatment faithfully. Follow a regime of graduated vigorous exercise, consume plain and simple food and water (being vegetarian is best) and practise meditation.

I don't believe in passive medical treatment -- it must be accompanied by exercise (at an appropriate level) and correct, constrained eating (not dieting).

If you are broke and jobless: Re-train yourself and investigate the kind of paying jobs available that fit your skill sets.

If you feel depressed and befuddled: Go to the public library and pick out appropriate books to read to re-focus your mind and lift yourself out of the mental rut.

Here's an old poem to share with you:

They are not long, the weeping and the laughter

Love and desire and hate

I think they have no portion in us after

We pass the gate.

They are not long, the days of wine and roses

Out of a misty dream

Our path emerges for a while, then closes

Within a dream.

Ernest Dawson, 1867-1900

The title, Vitae Summa Brevis Spem Nos Vetat Incobare Longam, means in Latin:

"The brief sum of life forbids us the hope of enduring long."

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